


A Headache, in a Suitcase

by DoreyG



Category: Original Work
Genre: Assassins & Hitmen, Confessions, F/F, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Relationship, Self-Loathing, Time Travel, Treat, hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-12 07:48:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13542924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoreyG/pseuds/DoreyG
Summary: "So," she says, very slowly, "you're a time travelling assassin sent from the future to kill me and make sure the dystopic world that my descendants will create will never come to pass... And you just discovered that you can't actually get back."





	A Headache, in a Suitcase

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kisuru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kisuru/gifts).



"So," she says, very slowly, "you're a time travelling assassin sent from the future to kill me and make sure the dystopic world that my descendants will create will never come to pass... And you just discovered that you can't actually get back."

"You're really good at summarizing terrible situations." Shi, and she's just realized what a truly _morbid_ name that is, sighs - turns away from her miserable perusal of the world outside the window, "that's another thing that they didn't bother to tell me. I'm starting to compile a list, you see; do you want to guess how many pages I'm at already?"

"Five?" She guesses, still trying to come to terms with this situation.

"...You're also good at guessing," Shi says, and stamps over to the sofa where she's sitting. Throws herself down beside her, and starts glaring moodily at the ceiling instead, "another entry on the list. Hey, want to guess how long it takes me to get up to six pages?"

"I'd rather avoid the guessing games, and actually talk about the situation at hand," she says, remarkably _levelly_ considering the large amount of information that's just been unexpectedly dumped upon her head, "you were actually planning to kill me?"

"Initially, yes," Shi says, summoning up only the briefest apologetic expression, "you see, in the future - your future, my former present – a person’s profession is decided before they’re even born. If it helps, in any way, it was literally my life's mission to find you and kill you as swiftly and painfully as possible."

"That really doesn't-" she pauses for a second, tilts her head and actually considers, "that really _shouldn't_ help. When did you actually stop intending to murder me at the first possible opportunity, then?"

"If I was being diplomatic, I'd say that the urge faded away as I slowly got to know you and see your true self," Shi says, then tilts her head sideways so they're looking each other in the eye, then smirks, "but I don't have to be diplomatic anymore. Truthfully, my plans changed about the time that I discovered there was no way of getting home."

" _Shi_!" She yelps, "that was, what, about an hour ago?"

"Life's mission, born and bred for it," Shi says, still smirking and sounding the precise opposite of apologetic, "I would fake an apology, but I'm sure it'd be yet another thing that wouldn't help."

"You really weren't kidding about the diplomacy thing before," she huffs, and then realizes what she's just said, "so... Wait. You thought that you _were_ being diplomatic before you discovered that you couldn't get back to the horrible dystopic future where being an assassin is apparently a viable career path?"

"A _very_ viable career path," Shi says, not bothering to hide her smug expression, "and of course I was. Didn't you notice?"

"No," she says flatly, and can't help a slightly cruel smile at Shi's expression in response, "since we've both disposed with the whole pretence of diplomacy here."

"You're lying!" Shi snaps, giving her the angry glare of a dropped cat. It's probably intended to be fearsome, even now she can't help but find it mildly adorable, "you _must_ have noticed. I was incredibly diplomatic, the most diplomatic assassin to ever breathe. I was the best roommate ever, the best citizen ever, the best inhabitant of the twenty first century-"

"You really weren't," she interrupts, before she has to listen to more incredibly inaccurate boasting, "when we first moved in together, you tried to cover the floor of your room with _hay_."

"But I stopped, when you pointed out that it would be a fire hazard in an apartment block," Shi says, through gritted teeth, "besides, hay is a _great_ insulator. It's been used by humans for many centuries, and is still in use-"

"Shi, it hasn't been in use in this country since the 1600s," she says, and doesn't bother to hide the roll of her eyes, "not in apartment blocks in the middle of the city, not in nice semi-detached houses in the suburbs, not even in out of the way farmhouses in the country. _Nowhere_."

"Oh," Shi says, and seems to deflate a little. Stares at her for a long moment, before pulling herself up again, "are you sure?"

"About as sure as I am that duels haven't been in favour since about the 1800s," she says, as flatly as she can possibly manage, "especially not duels involving swords, and _especially_ not to the death. How many people have you challenged since you got here, Shi? How many random strangers have you accosted in the street?"

"They kept bumping into me, and it seemed like a proportionate response." Shi sniffs, her expression of dignity only slightly dented by the wild look in her eyes, "besides, _you_ didn't stop me."

"One, I'm your roommate - and apparent intended victim - and not your keeper," she says, with quite admirable patience considering everything, "and two, I thought you were _joking_. I thought you were being overly dramatic to defuse a potentially awkward situation!"

"Is _that_ why they kept laughing?" Shi asks, looking like a long held mystery has suddenly been solved for her.

"Yes." She pauses for a long second, cruelly decides that she might as well go for it considering the situation, "that, or possibly the dresses you wear."

"Hey!" Shi glares, "what's _wrong_ with my dresses?"

"Nothing, if you count a bustle and a train length that runs an entire street long as everyday wear," she says, quite coolly, "but, as I thought you would've _noticed_ after five years stuck here, most people do not consider them so. Also, they don't go with your hair."

"My hair is my crowning glory!"

"It's a green mohawk that glows in the dark," she snaps, and then finally takes a deep breath and settles back on the sofa. Considers for a second, before begrudgingly carrying on "...I mean, and it is a pretty great crowning glory. It just stands out a lot more than a time travelling assassin should want, that's all."

Shi remains silent for a long moment. But when she finally glances over again the woman doesn't look all that sulky, she simply looks _miserable_ , "they told me literally nothing."

"I'm starting to gather that," she says lightly, not quite sure how to respond.

" _Nothing_ ," Shi repeats bitterly, barely seeming to hear her, "and that's because I was absolutely nothing to them. I was just a sacrificial lamb, bred for exactly one purpose and expected to quietly curl up and die once that purpose was completed. I'm pathetic, a useless and stupid drone who couldn't see the truth right in front of her eyes."

"I'd be more sympathetic, really, but considering that your one purpose was to murder me brutally out of nowhere..." She makes a face, waits a few seconds. Sighs when that response only gets more moody staring out of Shi, and turns fully to face her, "look, there's no point in moping."

"Says you."

"Says me," she agrees, quite calmly, "you aren't going to get any revenge on them by dissolving into a puddle of self-loathing on our sofa."

"I'm not going to get any revenge on them anyway, considering that they're several centuries into the future," Shi says testily. But, against all odds, does start to look slightly less miserable "...Our sofa?"

"Well," she huffs, faintly confused, "it's certainly not _your_ sofa."

"I didn't mean _that_ , you idiot, I meant..." Shi frowns for a second, and then shrugs as if she has nothing left to lose, "you're seriously not going to kick me out? Not going to scream in my face, decry my terrible intentions and tell me that you never want to see me again?"

"Top tip, nobody really says _decry_ in the twenty-first century either," she says, and rolls her eyes again, "and of course I'm not. The way I figure, I can hold this terrible betrayal of trust over your head for _years_ and never run out of ammo. It'll be a permanent source of pleasure for me."

"Wow," Shi says, but actually cracks the faintest smile, "I suddenly see why they wanted to assassinate you so badly. If you're already this ruthless, imagine how terrible things _raised_ by you would be."

"They would be true monsters, destroyers of the world," she says, somewhat proudly, and reaches out. Takes Shi's hand in hers, and squeezes, "come on, I'm starting to get a caffeine deprivation-headache from all this intensity. Let's go to Starbucks or something, and return to our troubles at a later date."

"I hate Starbucks," Shi says, with perfect sincerity, but doesn't let go of her hand.


End file.
